Monday, June 11, 2007
Au Revoir, Katie
Well, Katie is heading away from my hometown as I write this. Sadly, it has become very clear to me all too late how easy it would have been to befriend Mrs. Cruise. All I had to do was don my giant cupcake costume. Oh well...good to know for next time.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Brilliant
Seriously? A reality tv show about a TANNING SALON?? I mean, I know it's summer, and I know that almost anything can be translated into a reality tv show (ahem, My Super Sweet 16), but COME ON! There has got to be something more interesting out there to base a reality show around. I remember one day in the office, a certain young fiction fellow pontificated on the prospect of a tv show based on the lives of young writers in MFA programs. Doesn't seem so bad now, does it?
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Wednesday Top Ten
In order to liven things up a bit, I've resorted to a weekly top ten topic. Although, considering how much fun it is making up top ten lists, this might become a more frequent event. In honor of my earlier Katie Holmes post, I give you:
Top Ten Celebrities I Really, Truly Think I Could Be Very Good Friends With
1. Keri Russell. She just seems so sweet in a completely unassuming way. Very down to earth. Plus, she used to be a dancer, so I could bug her with questions about the dance world: is it really like Center Stage/The Turning Point/The Company? I could also ask her questions about one of my favorite shows of all time, the little remembered Malibu Shores. And I could ask her if Scott Foley or Scott Speedman is a better kisser? Or (gasp) Simon Rex? And I could ask her if Amy Jo Johnson is as annoying in real life as the characters she portrays on television (and by television I mean Felicity and about twenty Lifetime Original Movies). The list of questions goes on and on.
2. Katie Holmes, whom I would ask considerably less questions, as I do not wish to be offed by a member of the Scientology maffia.
3. Lindsay Lohan, circa 2004. This was a precious time in La Lohan's life. She was still riding the high of Mean Girls and newly developed, huge breasts, but hadn't yet been hospitalized on the set of Herbie: Fully Loaded due to heat exhaustian. This first hospitalization would lead to the twenty pound weight loss that would lead to music producer Tony Mattola telling her how good she looked, which would lead to another twenty pounds down the drain via drugs, starvation, etc., which would lead to mood swings and paranoia, which would lead to her being dumped by Wilmer and thus would lead to La Lohan being tied to a string of dirty (Stavros Niarchos, Jude Law) and dirtier (Calum Best) men, which would lead to more drugs and alcohol, which would lead to a mean letter from a movie producer, a car wreck, rehab, a car wreck, and rehab. Whew. La Lohan 2004, however, is a friend that everyone needs. This is the friend who will go out and get just a little bit drunker than you every night you go out, thus leading you to say in the morning, "Yeah, but at least I wasn't as wasted as YOU were!" If you kiss a boy, La Lohan 2004 flashes another one. If you wake up not knowing where your bra went, La Lohan stumbles into the living room wearing only a t-shirt, no underwear. She makes you feel clean by being just a little bit dirtier than you. Which leads me to...
4. Jennifer Garner, who has the opposite effect. She is always going to be a little bit sweeter, a little bit cleaner, and a little bit more like Martha Stewart that you will ever be. It's called balance, people.
5. Sandrah Oh. Just someone I think I'd want on my side.
6. Alexis Bleidel, aka Rory Gilmore, because deep down I'm pretty sure she's a badass. Plus, it would lead to a bonus friendship with Lauren Graham, aka Lorelai Gilmore.
7. Maggie Gyllenhaal
8. Rachel McAdams
9. Ginnifer Goodwin, a la "Big Love," even though the spelling of her name annoys me, and she's dating the highly obnoxious ex of my #2 BFF, Katie Holmes.
10. *cough* Kelly Ripa *cough* I'm sorry!!! I LOVE HER!! I can't help it...I completely understand how untolerable she is at best, and yet I still LOVE HER. It's shameful, I know.
There you have it. Now I just have to start sending out letters and friendship bracelets. Surely one of these ladies would be friends with me?
Top Ten Celebrities I Really, Truly Think I Could Be Very Good Friends With
1. Keri Russell. She just seems so sweet in a completely unassuming way. Very down to earth. Plus, she used to be a dancer, so I could bug her with questions about the dance world: is it really like Center Stage/The Turning Point/The Company? I could also ask her questions about one of my favorite shows of all time, the little remembered Malibu Shores. And I could ask her if Scott Foley or Scott Speedman is a better kisser? Or (gasp) Simon Rex? And I could ask her if Amy Jo Johnson is as annoying in real life as the characters she portrays on television (and by television I mean Felicity and about twenty Lifetime Original Movies). The list of questions goes on and on.
2. Katie Holmes, whom I would ask considerably less questions, as I do not wish to be offed by a member of the Scientology maffia.
3. Lindsay Lohan, circa 2004. This was a precious time in La Lohan's life. She was still riding the high of Mean Girls and newly developed, huge breasts, but hadn't yet been hospitalized on the set of Herbie: Fully Loaded due to heat exhaustian. This first hospitalization would lead to the twenty pound weight loss that would lead to music producer Tony Mattola telling her how good she looked, which would lead to another twenty pounds down the drain via drugs, starvation, etc., which would lead to mood swings and paranoia, which would lead to her being dumped by Wilmer and thus would lead to La Lohan being tied to a string of dirty (Stavros Niarchos, Jude Law) and dirtier (Calum Best) men, which would lead to more drugs and alcohol, which would lead to a mean letter from a movie producer, a car wreck, rehab, a car wreck, and rehab. Whew. La Lohan 2004, however, is a friend that everyone needs. This is the friend who will go out and get just a little bit drunker than you every night you go out, thus leading you to say in the morning, "Yeah, but at least I wasn't as wasted as YOU were!" If you kiss a boy, La Lohan 2004 flashes another one. If you wake up not knowing where your bra went, La Lohan stumbles into the living room wearing only a t-shirt, no underwear. She makes you feel clean by being just a little bit dirtier than you. Which leads me to...
4. Jennifer Garner, who has the opposite effect. She is always going to be a little bit sweeter, a little bit cleaner, and a little bit more like Martha Stewart that you will ever be. It's called balance, people.
5. Sandrah Oh. Just someone I think I'd want on my side.
6. Alexis Bleidel, aka Rory Gilmore, because deep down I'm pretty sure she's a badass. Plus, it would lead to a bonus friendship with Lauren Graham, aka Lorelai Gilmore.
7. Maggie Gyllenhaal
8. Rachel McAdams
9. Ginnifer Goodwin, a la "Big Love," even though the spelling of her name annoys me, and she's dating the highly obnoxious ex of my #2 BFF, Katie Holmes.
10. *cough* Kelly Ripa *cough* I'm sorry!!! I LOVE HER!! I can't help it...I completely understand how untolerable she is at best, and yet I still LOVE HER. It's shameful, I know.
There you have it. Now I just have to start sending out letters and friendship bracelets. Surely one of these ladies would be friends with me?
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
yowza
Does anyone else think that Salma Hayek got REALLY pregnant REALLY fast? And I thought her breasts were out of control before...
Loose doo-doo? Never heard of it...
The temptation to somehow use this in my composition class is too much. I mean, it is the "argot of young people," after all.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
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