Oh, Lindsay...

Whew! Got back from vacation just in time for La Lohan's fateful DUI crash. Any guesses on what'll happen next? Oh well...at least she has the success of Georgia Rule to cheer her up in these trying times. Maybe she'll go to jail and have a cell next to Paris', and they can finally come to terms over the whole firecrotch issue. See Lindsay? It's all about being able to see the silver lining.

this is hilarious...

Candy Spelling is crazy...and yet, I can somehow totally see my own grandmother doing something like this.

DAMN IT!!!

It has been literally less than two hours since my last post, and I just found this. Nothing in my life is fair.

Searching for Katie

As those who know me can attest to, nothing interests me more than celebrities, and, though I hate to make such a strong statement, and will ultimately end up regretting this, I dare say no celebrity interests me more than our dear, sweet Katie Holmes, aka Kate Cruise. I don't know why I'm so interested. It goes beyond the whole TomKat thing, because I loved her before that. I loved watching her get punk'd on MTV, because she just seems SO genuinely sweet and at a complete loss for words the whole time. I loved it when she went on that MTV show Diary before the release of her movie First Daughter. While on Diary, she talked about how embarassing it is when her mother buys her underwear, and she also got excited when she realized how well her pedicure matched the argyle sweater she was wearing at the time.

I think my love for Katie also has very much to do with my love for the only role people really remember her for, that of Joey Potter (which sucks, because the movie Pieces of April was actually quite good. You should rent it. Seriously.). My love for Joey really blossomed in the third season, when she and Pacey finally got together. But I liked her in the first season too, especially when she sang "On My Own" from Les Mis in a really nasally voice that everyone pretended was amazing. There was also an episode in the second season when Joey wore the exact same Gap jeans and light purple flannel Abercrombie shirt (which I still have, by the by) that I had been LIVING in my sophomore year of high school. So that might have had something to do with it.

BUT. Whatever the reason may be, certainly Katie is someone who has come to fascinate many people as of late. In the past three years, she's gone from being a sweet, unassumingly pretty young actress to one half of one of the world's most talked about couples. Back in my Sycamore Review blogging days, I posted this little number in which I pondered the whereabouts of Tom and Katie's mysterious baby, aptly nicknamed by the press "Tomkitten," which is kind of cute and endearing in a way that the unfortunate actual name of the child, Suri, is not. Still, once the pictures finally surfaced, I couldn't help but feeling a little bit, okay, a lot, of love for the youngest of the Cruise clan.

Unlike the somewhat nebulous origins of my love for Katie, the reasons for my fascination with this baby are pretty easy to pinpoint: as a baby, I myself was the ugly version of young Ms. Suri. It's true! I know what it's like to look mildly-Asian as a baby, despite having two very caucasian parents. I know what it's like to spend the first year of your life looking like you're wearing a baby wig. It ain't fun, people. Of course, to top it off, I had a tail, but that's a whole other blog post.

So, bearing in mind my somewhat formidable fascination with Katie and Suri, you can imagine my excitement upon hearing the news that Katie would be spending a couple of months in Shreveport, Louisiana (my hometown), filming the first film she's signed on to since dating/marrying/having the alien baby of Tom Cruise.

I returned home last week, beau in tow, and spent four days with my eyes peeled. I was practically drooling as my parents pointed out the various houses she has been rumored to have taken up residence in since arriving about a month ago. No sign of Katie or Suri. She's rumored to be a big runner, so every morning as I took my own little jog around the Pierre Bayou trail, I ran through various dialogue exchanges should our paths happen to cross. "Oh, that's right, I heard you were in town," I imagined myself saying casually as we stretched our hamstrings, leaning on the same bench. "I really enjoyed Thank You for Smoking. Do you really think it was an accident that the sex scene was left out of the screening at Sundance? Ha, yeah, me either." And so on, and so forth.

But alas. No Katie on the trail either. No Katie at the grocery store, or the local tavern. No Katie at the new Starbucks. No Katie at Target, where only two weeks ago she was rumored to have arrived with police escorts. No Katie, no Katie, no Katie.

I can only believe that some cruel twist of scientology kept us apart. But I'll be back in August, Katie. Or Kate. Do you prefer Kate, really? Maybe I'll just call you Kay-Kay. We can meet up for lunch at Earthereal. My treat. And when we do finally meet, I'll try and play it cool, but I have a feeling my words will sound strikingly similar to what Honey, the character who plays Hugh Grant's sister in the little remembered but actually pretty decent romantic comedy Notting Hill, exclaims to Julia Roberts' character Anna Scott, actress and celebrity extrordinaire, upon unexpectedly meeting her at a dinner party:

"Oh God, this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool - and I'm failing 100%. I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What do YOU think?"

Jessica, Jessica Simpson...You've Got It All Wrong

Who knew Adam Green would prove so prophetic in that song? The MET had their annual Costume Institute Gala the other night. This event is one of the top fashion events of the year, a chance for every celebrity to see and be seen. I like this event because I feel like celebrities are always willing to take much bigger risks with their fashion choices for this gala than for, say, the Oscars. The celebs have been doing well at the Oscars, Emmys, and Golden Globes for the past couple of years, so much so to the point that it's become almost boring to watch. What happened to the good ol' days when we got Bjork wrapped in a swan, or Lara Flynn Boyle in that tutu? Yeah, the major award shows have gone the way of style and class. Sigh.

BUT. We still have the Costume Institute Gala. Where celebs are willing to wear things like this. And this. Some risks pay off. Others don't. Some people managed to rock what for all intents and purposes seems to be a cleverly disguised 1982 prom dress. Others looked hungry for baby brains. But what I really want to talk about in this post is Jessica Simpson. I mean, really? Really, Jessica? I think everyone has noticed that you're undergoing some *ahem* changes. The whole brown hair thing (which I actually don't mind, although I think you look better as a blonde.), the new beau, etc. And I don't mind the changes. You got divorced in a very public way, and came out looking like the bad guy. Your album was, um, not as successful as you'd hoped it would be. In fact it was a total failure. As were your two movies. And your clothing line. And your shoe line. And your line of wigs.

So. I don't think any of us blame you for feeling like you need a bit of a change in your life. But really, is turning yourself into a drag queen the answer? The dress, the boobs, the lipstick, the tan...it's all TOO MUCH! But what scares me most about this is that I fear we're heading quickly back into this territory. Anyone remember these days? Pre-Lachey, Jess made some pretty bad choices. I remember reading an interview with her in the first, blissful days of Newlyweds, and she kept stressing how much more comfortable she felt with herself and her body now that she was with someone who really supported her, really loved her for who she was. She didn't feel like she needed all the makeup and tanning and cropped football jersey outfits to be sexy, because she had Nick. How did the song go? "With nothing but a t-shirt on, I never felt so beautiful, baby as I do now...now that I'm with you."

Sweet Jesus Jess, put the t-shirt BACK ON. Seriously. John Mayer seems like a laid back guy. I'm sure he, like Nick, would prefer you just wear a t-shirt than wear this. Or this. You know what? You don't even have to wear a t-shirt. Remember the days when you went out looking fabulous, but classy? Remember what a good time that was? Sigh. I never thought I'd say this, but Jessica, maybe you should take a look at Ashlee. While you were busy exposing your breasts to the point that they probably deserve their own managing team, she somehow went all classy and pretty on us. Will wonders never cease?

Ooh! Artsy pinata pictures!

starring...Richard and Jaimie!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

A recipe in honor of the day (and by special request from Davo, the Cuatro de Mayo king):

Easy "Homemade" salsa:

1 small jar store-bought salsa (hence the "homemade" part)

1 red bell pepper, chopped

1 orange bell pepper, choppped

1 jalapeno pepper, seeds removed (or left in, if you're brave...can you take the heat?), minced

1 red onion, chopped

1 garlic clove, minced

1 15 oz. can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 15 oz. can sweet corn, drained

1 avocado, cubed

1 cup fresh, chopped cilantro (you can use less if you're not a cilantro fiend, like me)

the fresh-squeezed juice of 1 lime

salt and red pepper to taste

Mix it all up. Put it in a pretty bowl. Pour yourself a margarita. You done good.

I hate to say I told you so...

...but dear God last night was awful. I actually really do hate it that I was right in my predictions, because I really do like Kate Walsh. But dear God last night was awful. The warning signs were there from the very beginning, such as the fact that the writers/producers/WHOEVER chose to intersperse the new Addison-based series with the regular Grey's episode, rather than showing them sequentially. Ah, the old bait and hook. Clearly they knew that given the choice, viewers would turn off the Addison series within the first fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. Probably about thirty seconds after that voice spoke to her in the elevator, if we're being totally honest here. And so they gave us no choice. Of course I'm going to watch, because I want to see Sandra Oh in a wedding dress. So not only were the Addison segments painful to watch out of sheer badness, I was also feeling very, very resentful towards the cunning bastards who decided to exploit my addiction to the regular characters of Grey's for the benefit of the new show. I mean, it was a smart move and all, but after a few glasses of wine, I was pretty pissed off.

But now onto the actual segments themselves, and why they were so bad, so very, very bad. First of all, I was having a hard time grasping who half the characters were in the first place. It seemed like all of the male characters were really just ripped off versions of Alex Karev, and I didn't care about any of them. There was severe lack of character development going on here, with the men and women. Apparently, the writers had two main strategies for attempting to divert our attention away from said lack:

1. Feed the viewers SO MUCH FREAKIN' HISTORY that they get so bogged down with trying to figure it all out they can't even remember their own name, much less notice how much the characters suck. Someone's divorced from someone else and they both went to med school with Addison and now they work with a sex addict who is "just friends but who are they kidding" with another person they work with who dated some old guy who wasn't the marrying type who's now married to someone who can't be older than 25. And that doesn't even cover Tim "maybe they'll just automatically like me because I played Joe Hackett on Wings and everybody loved that show" Daly's character. Whose name escapes me. Yeah. A lot of information about a lot of characters that I developed a lot of disdain for within the first ten minutes or so.

2. Distract the viewers with sex! Sex! SEX!!! I mean, yeah, it's a good tension builder, and yeah, people are interested in sex, but COME ON. Every single freakin' plot line? The sex addict pediatrician. The sex-obsessed kind-hearted player who used to be Joe Hackett. And smaller things too: Addison's little elevator revelation at the beginning (which was so not Addison). Addison's makeout session with the sex-obsessed kind-hearted player who used to be Joe Hackett (also so not Addison). And my personal favorite: the fact that, to "relax," these assumably intelligent women doctors settle down into the waiting room couch and watch the surfer receptionist make his way through the office with his surfboard. With no shirt on. There are so many things wrong with that, but we'll leave it at the fact that, more than being offensive or sexist or whatever, it's just stupid.

Bad show. Very, very bad show. Let's all hope, for Kate Walsh's sake, that the producers realize this as well, and allow Addison to simply return to Seattle Grace and remain there. We can all pretend that what we saw last night just never happened, and continue on with a new, fresh appreciation for how good we have it with regular ol' Grey's.

The Completion of Summer Project #1

Et voila...

Let the Countdown to the Grey's Spinoff Begin

I swear, I'll blog about things other than Grey's Anatomy. But tonight is a BIG night. Reasons why I absolutely do not think this spinoff will work:

1. Do we REALLY care about Addison that much? I mean, yeah, she's got great hair, and she's kind of sassy, and I liked it when she danced with the Chief a few episodes back. And she gave us one of the Greatest Moments of Grey's Anatomy, when she walked into Seattle Grace on the finale of season one, smirked at Meredith with disdain and said, "You must be the intern who's sleeping with my husband." BAM. That was a cliffhanger. And that was an entrance. Unfortunately, I have a feeling deep within my soul that her exit will not be quite as affective.

2. Along with the question, Do we really care about Addison that much, I think we must ask ourselves if we really think that Kate Walsh is a good enough actress to carry a new show all on her own. Nothing annoys me more than when an actor turns his or her back on the very show that made them a star in the first place. Does Kate Walsh not remember David Caruso and his self-implemented departure from NYPD Blue? Did she not see the movie Jade? (Whose tagline, quite accurately, was "Sometimes fantasies go too far." I'll say. Poor David Caruso and his fantasy that he might actually have a career in feature films.) Although I'll always be grateful for Caruso leaving, as it allowed Mark-Paul Gosselaar to re-enter the world of television (and actually achieve no small amount of redemption), I don't think you'll find a single person who would argue that it was a good career move. And spinoffs are especially hard...remember the debacle that was Joey? All I'm saying is, the odds are against her.

3. The premise of the show, according to US Weekly, is as follows:

"Addison road-trips to Santa Monica, California to visit her med school pals, who now run a chic wellness clinic-- replete with a new-agey shaman!"

Look, I'm already getting a little bit sick of Miranda's charity clinic. Do I really want to devote an hour of my life to watching a tv show about a 'chic wellness clinic' ? Just that description gets on my nerves.

But hey, it could be great. Only time will tell. In any case, US Weekly also says that this week's episode will have Sandra Oh searching for a wedding dress, which I have a feeling will be nothing less than great. Now she could have a spinoff. I'd watch that shit.

The post that consists of a funny celebrity quote

Drew Barrymore on being chosen for the cover of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" issue:

"It made my peacock feathers shine in the golden-hour light and extend to the heavens."

Man...my peacock feathers never do that. My life sucks.

Also...

...I'm not sure when Von's started adding this little piece of advice to the bottom of their receipts, but I like it. I try, Von's, I try.

Summer = Time to Read for Pleasure!!!

A quick trip to the basement of Von's bookstore this morning resulted in the purchase of the above stack of books. Let the summer reading begin. Now I just have to decide where I want to start. Do I take on the most difficult (Of Human Bondage, of course) right away? Or ease in slow with say, Annie Dillard's Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, a nonfiction nature narrative? This would be a safe bet for a couple of reasons:

1. I just finished her memoir An American Childhood and am a little bit in love with her. Annie Dillard = amazing, pretty much.

2. It won the Pulitzer.

3. On the back of the book, Melvin Maddocks calls it "a remarkable psalm of terror and celebration." Um, yes please.

Then again, my father has hold me no fewer than 10 times and with no small amount of seriousness in his voice that Of Human Bondage will teach me the meaning of life. It usually comes up at the dinner table. "It will teach you the meaning of life," he says, very simply. "Pass the asparagus."

Maybe I should just start with Anne Sexton. Summer is nothing if not the the time to depress oneself reading the letters of a suicidal poet.

Von's was also carrying what looked to be the entire series of The Babysitter's Club in their young adult section. It might have been a huge mistake to pass them up. If I'm still thinking about it tomorrow, I'm going back. I owe it to my eight year-old self to at least buy one or two.

Ellen Pompeo Part Deux

In the interest of blowing Casey's mind a bit further...the comments on the previous Ellen Pompeo post were questioning the "real" Ellen Pompeo. To complicate this issue a bit further, I give you Ellen Pompeo on the Ellen DeGeneres show (exactly Friday one year ago, mind you). Now THAT is what I call a change in accent. I also like how she freaks out about having to order off of the Mexican restaurant menu..."Um, um, um, um, NACHOS WITH EVERYTHING!!!" It's almost like she hardly ever eats out, or something. Weird.

the post where I talk about grey's anatomy

Specifically, the character of Meredith Grey. Whom I hate. I will say, she has gotten better these last few episodes, as the whining has ceased and we've actually seen her (gasp!) smile a few times. But as one of my friends pointed out at dinner the other night, Grey's Anatomy has a problem that seems to afflict a lot of television shows: their main character is really, really annoying. Dawson Leary? Annoying as hell. Angela Chase? SOOOOO annoying (and come on, she was up against Brian Krakow and Rayanne Graff...you know it's bad when you come off as annoying even next to those two). Lauren Conrad? Okay, refreshingly less annoying on The Hills than she was on Laguna Beach, but again, I think it's an issue of the juxtaposition: all she has to do is keep hanging out with Heidi and Spencer, and there's no way she'll be the most annoying person on that show.

But I digress. The conversation I was having with my friends gradually turned to Ellen Pompeo getting punk'd on MTV a few seasons back, an episode which surprisingly few people saw. And this is unfortunate, because it is AMAZING. I think the reason that I hold Meredith in such disdain is because, after viewing said Punk'd episode, I realized just how freakin' crazy Ellen Pompeo is in real life. She is a badass bitch. And not a "Hollywood" badass bitch (ahem, Courtney Love...), but truly, truly, a badass bitch. She is a badass bitch who will cut you. She is a badass bitch who will (as you will see) go to lunch in what appears to be an angelic, white, flowy nightgown, and then proceed to say of the waitress, "I just can't believe this broad is sweating me like this at this table...she'll get attention. She'll get it from the prongs right in her clavicle." And all of this while delicately eating crab cakes (that apparently don't do much for her). If that's not the anti-Meredith, I don't know what is.

Go here to see the awesomeness that is Ellen Pompeo being punk'd.

the post where I brag about my plant not being dead

I've had it since January. I know this means nothing to most people, but I could kill an oak tree in a week if you put me in charge of it. She's pretty, yes?

the post where I talk about summer projects

I love summer projects. Half of the time, I don't complete them, and the other half of the time they usually look like complete crap, but God bless me, I love summer projects. Early this morning, my beau and I slipped out to Goodwill. Goodwill is usually a bust for me, but this morning I found a nifty little bookshelf that had my name all over it. As a graduate student in poetry, I have, unsurprisingly, a large amount of books, and am therefore always looking for new ways to store said livres. The books that have been resting on my window sill, developing unslightly bends and ridges from being stacked too high, now have a home in my new Goodwill find. But the bookshelf is an ugly color, two steps away from pepto bismol pink. Enter summer project #1: paint the shelves. I'm thinking red. Here's the bookshelf, pre-paint (yes, I already put some books in it...I wanted to see how many could fit (a surprisingly large number). And it was new and exciting!)

the first post...

Reasons why I have decided to start my own blog:

1. I'm bored. It's Indiana. It's summer (or about to be). Summer begins with feelings of pure bliss. The temperature has risen above thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy (gasp!) degrees, and has settled happily in the low-eighties. This is a blessing for the first week, then I remember how much it sucks to get the sweats like Britney mid-withdrawal the minute I step out my front door. Good times, Indiana, good times. Way to get ALL OF THE WEATHER THAT SUCKS. Ahem. But I'm not bitter. I'm just hot. And bored. So that's reason number one.
2. Celebrities posts were banned, or "reigned in," from my previous blogging outlet, sycamorereview.com. Now, I still hold that blog very close to my heart. But let's face it: if I'm not blogging about celebrities, do I really have all that much to say? Let the others blog eloquently on the state of contemporary fiction; I'll be over here blogging about Posh and Katie.
3. Disregard my previous reason. I can blog about things other than celebrities. I WILL blog about things other than celebrities. Food. My dog. My cat. ummmm....surely I'll come up with more as the summer goes on.

And thus, not with a whimper but a bang (ah, you see what I did there?), let the blogging begin!