Jessica, Jessica Simpson...You've Got It All Wrong

Who knew Adam Green would prove so prophetic in that song? The MET had their annual Costume Institute Gala the other night. This event is one of the top fashion events of the year, a chance for every celebrity to see and be seen. I like this event because I feel like celebrities are always willing to take much bigger risks with their fashion choices for this gala than for, say, the Oscars. The celebs have been doing well at the Oscars, Emmys, and Golden Globes for the past couple of years, so much so to the point that it's become almost boring to watch. What happened to the good ol' days when we got Bjork wrapped in a swan, or Lara Flynn Boyle in that tutu? Yeah, the major award shows have gone the way of style and class. Sigh.

BUT. We still have the Costume Institute Gala. Where celebs are willing to wear things like this. And this. Some risks pay off. Others don't. Some people managed to rock what for all intents and purposes seems to be a cleverly disguised 1982 prom dress. Others looked hungry for baby brains. But what I really want to talk about in this post is Jessica Simpson. I mean, really? Really, Jessica? I think everyone has noticed that you're undergoing some *ahem* changes. The whole brown hair thing (which I actually don't mind, although I think you look better as a blonde.), the new beau, etc. And I don't mind the changes. You got divorced in a very public way, and came out looking like the bad guy. Your album was, um, not as successful as you'd hoped it would be. In fact it was a total failure. As were your two movies. And your clothing line. And your shoe line. And your line of wigs.

So. I don't think any of us blame you for feeling like you need a bit of a change in your life. But really, is turning yourself into a drag queen the answer? The dress, the boobs, the lipstick, the tan...it's all TOO MUCH! But what scares me most about this is that I fear we're heading quickly back into this territory. Anyone remember these days? Pre-Lachey, Jess made some pretty bad choices. I remember reading an interview with her in the first, blissful days of Newlyweds, and she kept stressing how much more comfortable she felt with herself and her body now that she was with someone who really supported her, really loved her for who she was. She didn't feel like she needed all the makeup and tanning and cropped football jersey outfits to be sexy, because she had Nick. How did the song go? "With nothing but a t-shirt on, I never felt so beautiful, baby as I do now...now that I'm with you."

Sweet Jesus Jess, put the t-shirt BACK ON. Seriously. John Mayer seems like a laid back guy. I'm sure he, like Nick, would prefer you just wear a t-shirt than wear this. Or this. You know what? You don't even have to wear a t-shirt. Remember the days when you went out looking fabulous, but classy? Remember what a good time that was? Sigh. I never thought I'd say this, but Jessica, maybe you should take a look at Ashlee. While you were busy exposing your breasts to the point that they probably deserve their own managing team, she somehow went all classy and pretty on us. Will wonders never cease?