Big Weekend

So, while some of us spent our weekend catching up on tivo'ed Jeopardy episodes, others were engaging in far more exciting activities: Ashlee Simpson tied the knot this weekend at a private ceremony (performed by Papa Joe, who is not at all creepy and who I totally would want officiating my wedding (if he could keep his eyes off his other daughter's chest long enough to perform the ceremony...I mean, "They're double D's...you can't cover those suckers up!")). Anywho, the whole thing happened pretty quickly after the engagement announcement...I think there's a word for that...shotgun, is it? You know, I hope the pregnancy rumors are true, because if they turn out to be false, then it means the Simpson camp generated them as a pathetic attempt to drum up publicity for Ashlee's new album, and, seeing as the album didn't exactly, ahem, soar off the charts, the whole fake pregnancy thing would be for naught.

But, anyway, back to the wedding. Many details have spilled out via the internet over the last couple of days. Some details are typical-- Ashlee wore a Monique Lhuillier dress, Mindy Weiss was the wedding planner, there were 150 guests, etc. Other details are slightly more entertaining-- apparently Pete's english bulldog Hemingway served as the ringbearer (I am totally in favor of integrating pets into wedding ceremonies), and according to several sources, poor little Jessica was feeling a bit old-maidy throughout the night. To be fair, two or three years ago, no one could have guessed that the Succesful Simpson Sister Switcheroo (SSSS) would have been so drastic. Even those who spotted it in its early stages surely wouldn't have thought it could go so far as to see Ashlee married, beautiful (thanks to a little help from Dr. Raj), and expecting, and Jessica still single (c'mon, she and Tony are totally broken up) and mourning the loss of John Mayer as her friend CaCee Cobb vomits under the table at Mexican restaurants. Oy.

But anyway, back to the wedding. Okay, so with all the details coming out, there is one that really stood out to me. Apprently Simpson the Younger chose Alice and Wonderland as her wedding theme. Hmmm. Yep, nothing says "elegant shotgun wedding" like slapping a children's book theme onto it. I would be pissed if that were the theme to my high school Sadie Hawkins dance, much less my wedding. Seriously, do you think they just decided, "Ah, screw it, I'm already knocked up, you've already exposed your genitals to the world at large via sidekick-- the world has already lost their respect for us, so let's just make this wedding as cheesy as possible..."?

Of course, celebrity wedding themes are nothing new. There's the ever-popular, "Let's Show The World How Fabulously Wealthy We Are!!!" theme, demonstrated here, and here. Or, in the complete opposite direction, there's the "We Don't Care How Rich and Famous We Are, We're Doing This in Secret, So There!!" theme, demonstrated here, and here. And finally, a theme that only recently has become popular, but is taking the B-list celebrity world by storm: "We're Not That Rich, and We're Not That Famous, But We've Suckered a TV Network and/or Various Businesses Into Sponsoring Our Wedding So That We Don't Have to Pay for a Damn Thing (Yes, It Feels Good Selling Our Souls, Thanks For Asking)" demonstrated here, here, and here.

Anywho. Read about the Simpson/Wentz nuptials in all their Alice in Wonderland glory here. On a final note, any wedding theme that finds a way to include favors reading "Eat Me" is maybe not all that bad.