Monday, May 12, 2008

Question: What's better than great sex, cheesecake, Christmas, and your birthday, combined??

Answer: MONDAY NIGHT TELEVISION!!!

It finally happened: ABC, the CW, and MTV have come together to create what I believe is the MOST PERFECT night of television ever in existence. Tonight is especially great, as we have two huge season finales on the agenda.

Before we get to the big finales though, we get to whet our appetites with another juicy Gossip Girl. The Gossip Girl crew promised that the already juicy show would get even more scandalous upon its return from the writer's strike, and they certainly haven't disappointed. In a move that's 50% Lifetime movie, 50% 90210 (remember Val's blackmailing ghost from the past Ginger, played by Elisa Donovan, aka Clueless' Amber? Ah, memories), and 100% genius, they've introduced the deliciously evil character Georgina Sparks, who has returned to the Upper East Side to wreak havoc in the life of former BFF and partner in partying, Serena. Ah, teenage blackmailers-- they're the worst, aren't they? Also spicing up the season: the outing of Serena's little brother Eric, and the HUGE wedding on the horizon for the show's season finale. What do you think the odds are that the wedding doesn't go as planned? One thing's for sure: though I originally had my doubts about Gossip Girl, I can't lie-- it has me in its hooks. This show is like The OC and 90210's love child on crack, with a little bit of The Heights and Fifteen thrown in for good measure. In other words, skeezy teenage perfection.

Up next: The Bachelor. You know, I watched first couple of seasons of The Bachelor when I was in college, and they were entertaining enough. But eventually, I got sick of the charade. You see, on the show's finale, in the most dramatic rose ceremony ever, every single bachelor declares his love for the girl he has chosen out of twenty-five others, the girl who has melted his heart, caused him (over the course of 4 weeks, no less), to feel true love like never before. He always proposes (although there have been a few upsets-- remember the "promise ring" Bob Guinney chose to give Estella? And, though I didn't watch it, I'm told that the last bachelor, Brad, didn't choose either girl. Now that's a risky gambit), and the girl always says yes, repeating that she also is feeling true love like never before. "I never thought I'd find a love like this," she usually says, breathless and teary-eyed. "I feel like the luckiest girl in the world."

Then, cut forward to a month later. They've broken up. She's on the cover of Us Weekly, lamenting how deceived she feels, and he's been seen making out with various girls at various LA clubs. Ah, love.

So I had thrown in the towel with The Bachelor. There were plenty of other ways for me to get my reality show fix. But then...something about this season drew me in. Sure, I started watching it because I was bored, but something about Matt was different from the bachelors of the past years. He just seems like a genuinely nice guy. He's funny, and charming. And yes, the accent doesn't hurt.

So tonight, we are told that in the most dramatic rose ceremony in Bachelor history, Matt will propose to the love of his life. Who will it be-- dramatic, high maintenance, Hollywood "actress" Shayne, or athletic, non-romantic, no-nonsense Chelsea?

My money is on Shayne. You can't fake chemistry, and Matt and Shayne obviously have it. He's been drawn to her from day one. Sure, she's a little superficial, and she has way too many shoes. But honestly, I think despite himself, Matt loves her superficiality and vanity. Plus, her family was hilarious. Plus, IMHO, Chelsea is just a little too...mannish. I mean, girl threw down on the rugby field.

Of course, at the same time Matt is declaring his never-ending love for one special woman, shit will be going down over in Lala land on MTV's The Hills. This season has brought on many surprises: Justin Bobby can be likable!?! Audrina can stand up for herself?!? Spencer is a lazy douchebag?!? Okay, so that last one is no shocker, but this season, The Hills has managed to shake things up a little. Whitney and Lauren got new "jobs" after "quitting" their old "jobs" at Teen Vogue. Heidi was deemed a feminist hero by the New York Times. Lauren and Audrina's once sturdy friendship is disappearing like sands through the hourglass, and Lo is swiftly moving in to take Audrina's spot as BFF. This season also saw the return of Laguna Beach alum and Hayden Panetierre-ex Stephen Coletti, as well as the arrival of Stephanie "She-Pratt" Pratt as a regular character. It was, all in all, a pretty good season.

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and tonight's episode is the finale. Will Lauren and Audrina be able to salvage their friendship? Will Spencer win Heidi back in a ill-planned surprise trip to Vegas (seriously-- what was he thinking? Awkward...)? These questions and more will be answered...although I'm sure new questions will be raised, because the girls are already hard at work filming the next season (two suggestions for that, by the way: More Brody!! I feel like we hardly got to see him at all this season. And also, how about a little guest appearance by Ms. Kristin Cavalleri? Maybe she and Spencer could have a friendly encounter at Les Deux! That would really get some people worked up).

Whew! That is a lot of television goodness. Don't even try to get in touch with me tonight. I'll be enjoying this perfect storm of viewing pleasure.

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