Wednesday Top Ten

Now that Jennie Garth and possibly Tori Spelling have confirmed their intentions of returning to the CW spin off of Beverly Hills, 90210, I've been thinking about which other characters I'd like to see revisiting the show. You can't sign on too many of the big names, because then it's just 90210 II: Lordy, Lordy, Look Who's Forty (and fifty, and approaching sixty, seventy, and possibly eighty? (ahem, Nat)). So, while I think they should try capping it off with the return of Kelly and Donna, I am fully in favor of seeing the return of some more minor characters. So, for this Wednesday's top ten, I give you:

Top Ten Characters I'd Like to See in the 90210 Spin off

10. Tara, the crazy rehab girl who stalked Kelly a la Single White Female. In fact, since Kelly is already returning to the show, why not just duplicate that same storyline? The target audience is a younger crowd anyway; none of them watched the original. The "Kelly has a stalker" plot could last three or four episodes, easily. I should get paid for this.

9. Trisha, the Olympics-bound ice skater who melted Brandon's heart in season two. She taught him hard lessons about dedication and sacrifice; he taught her the beauty of burritos.

8. Rick (played by none other than Lois and Clark's Dean Cain), the goofy American who somehow does not totally see through Brenda's fake French accent ("Reek! Zees iz a sooprize!"), and returns in later episodes to sing a little karaoke with Mr. Walsh.

7. Ray Pruitt. Just to hear him sing "How Do You Talk to an Angel?"

6. Jack McKay. Now, things get a little foggy here for me. Even I have my limits, and I stopped watching the show for the last couple of seasons. But I seem to recall that Dylan eventually discovered that Jack was not dead at all, that he, in fact, had faked his death via car bomb, and was happily living with a new family in, say, Wisconsin. If this is so, then I totally want Jack McKay to return. Any man who can fake his own death if okay by me.

5. Hannah, the love child of Andrea and Jesse, who surely is knocked up, or roaming the streets as a prostitute by now, which leads me to...

4. Erica, Dylan's little sister who roamed the streets as a prostitute after being kidnapped and taken hostage in Mexico by her own parents.

3. Felice Martin, Donna's mother. Every show needs a hypocritical bitch of a mother to spice things up a bit. Why create a new character for this when Felice is already so good at it?

2. Color Me Badd, who arrived at the Peach Pit just in time to cheer Donna up with a little impromptu performance of "I Adore Mi Amor" after she learned that her mother was having an affair, and FINALLY

1. Emily Valentine. Because nobody, and I mean, nobody, does bat shit crazy like Emily Valentine.